Ep. 228 A Calmer Approach to Midlife Weight Loss Using Coping Skills That Reduce Anxiety & Stress While You Lose Weight

Are you trying to lose weight in midlife without increasing anxiety, stress, or shame along the way?
You’re not alone—many capable, motivated midlife adults feel discouraged by approaches that rely on pressure, urgency, and self-criticism.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1.    How shifting away from pressure, urgency, and self-judgment toward a calmer, more supportive approach creates sustainable midlife weight loss

2.     Why anxiety and stress interfere with weight loss in midlife—and how nervous-system-friendly coping skills help your body cooperate instead of resist

3.     Practical coping skills that support weight loss while reducing overwhelm, burnout, and emotional exhaustion

🎧 Take 12 minutes to approach midlife weight loss with coping skills that reduce anxiety and stress—so change can finally last—you’re worth it.

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Transcript

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: 0:00

In this episode, you'll discover how the abundant mindset can help you make weight loss goals that support your midlife body easing anxiety, stress, and shame. Welcome to the podcast. Happy New Year. Welcome to the podcast and happy New Year. This year, you and I are stepping away from the good life mindset, the hustle, the comparison, the belief that your worth depends on achievement or looking like a 25-year-old in midlife. Something wiser awakens the abundant life mindset. It's rooted in self-worth compassion. Patience, connection, and the wisdom to make updates that keep you healthier, calmer, and able to enjoy life more. When you understand this shift, everything about your wellness, when you understand this shift, everything about your wellness begins to change, especially around the most common New Year's resolution. Weight loss. We're gonna talk openly and honestly about weight this week, not with shame, not with unrealistic expectations, but with science, compassion, and doable coping skills that honor your life stage. In this episode, you'll discover the real reason food feels harder in midlife, how to set weight goals that strengthen your self-worth instead of attacking it, and the small steps that make change feel doable rather than exhausting. Let me begin with a story. Let me begin with a story. A number of years ago at my local grocery store, there was a photo from 1955. It was about as big as a football field. Let me, let me begin with a story. A number of years ago at my local grocery store, there's a. There was a photo from 1955. It was about as big as a football field, and it featured a hundred middle aged people smiling at some community event. One day I stood there just staring at them, and I noticed not one of them looked overweight, not one. I asked myself, did they have more willpower than all of us did they have more willpower than we do? But then I remembered something important. They weren't living in the same tension that we are today when it comes to food. They weren't. They weren't living in the same tension that we are today. They weren't living immersed in the good life Messages of more is better. Convenience is everything. Food should be entertainment, and you deserve a treat every day, actually multiple times a day. Let's explore this together. So today, let's explore food through these two lenses. The Good Life versus the Abundant Life. Our current food system, restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores, profit. When we eat too much of foods that make it hard for us to feel full, you're surrounded by jumbo pork. You're surrounded by. You are surrounded by jumbo. Think about it. You are surrounded by jumbo portions, hyper processed foods, sugar, fat, salt combinations, specifically engineered to override sa, specifically engineered to override satiation. And billions spent on marketing to keep you coming back. This isn't personal failure, this isn't infrastructure. Back in 1950, those foods didn't exist Back in 1950, those foods and those portions didn't exist. The ads didn't exist. So that old book. So that old photo, it's not, it's not a fair comparison. It's actually a clue that should soften shame and help motivate you toward creating a relationship with food that takes this into account. Here's another story. Many years ago, a number many years ago, when I was beginning to learn how to do this in my own life, my family was eating at Chili's. I wanted to order their Mexican egg rolls. They're absolutely delicious. I highly recommend them, but I only wanted a half of order because I knew the science. Many highly processed foods combine sugar, fat, and salt in a way that overrides my brain's fullness signals, and my intention might be to eat just to, but once in front of me, I knew I would eat them all. To make a long story short, this request ended up with the manager coming to our table and saying he couldn't do a half order. In this case, the customer was not always right. So abundant minds. So coping skill number one is this abundant mind. So coping skill number one is so coping skill number one is leaning into the abundant mindset. You don't need fixing. You need a plan that supports you inside a food environment that is designed. You need a plan that supports you inside a food environment that is designed to not support you when you recognize that the economy is built on constant invitations to SuperNote. When you accept that the, when you recognize and accept that the economy is built on constant invitations to supersize snack all day and grab convenience, food, engineered to keep you coming back for more, you can finally let go. You can finally let go of the, you can finally let go of the idea that you lack willpower. Overriding your fullness and reward signals isn't a personal failure. It's the food industry's design. Think about it. When was the last time you ate an entire bag of apples? So coping skill number one is updating from the good life. So coping skill number one is updating from the good life where I can eat anything to the abundant life, where you use your own wisdom to eat wisely. You already know when you've had enough. I would imagine that often, you know when you've had enough, but when everyone around you is overeating, it's easy to convince yourself it's normal. Maybe even healthy. This powerful shift is choosing to trust your body's knowledge. This body shift is choosing to trust your body and your mind's knowledge instead of the messages being sold to you. So let's take a pause, take a slow breath and take in what I just said. Can you give yourself permission to move from blame and unclaim avoidance when it comes to weight and lean into tend and befriend. I think so. After all, your body has carried you through a lot of life, stress, caregiving, love loss, and learning. You deserve a way of eating that cares for you. Back in 40 years of working with clients, I've seen a recurring theme when it comes to weight. Midlife weight goals are often based on the 25-year-old body. And that creates shame every time, every way. Your answer. Let me ask you, would you trade? Would you trade your wise and experience midlife mind for the brain you had at 25? Most likely you answer pretty quickly. No way. Your mind and body are connected. One has matured beautifully. The other needs support to mature with it. So coping skill number two, the abundant. So here's coping skill number two, leaning into the abundant mindset shift. So co. So here's coping skill number two, choosing the abundant mindset shift that says, I'm gonna aim for the healthiest version of the body you have now. So coping skill number two, incr. So coping, so. So here's coping skill number two, choosing the abundant mindset shift that says, I'm gonna aim for the healthiest version of the body. Y. That says, aim for the healthiest version of the body you have now, not the body you had. Then this protects you from shame traps that keep you stuck and help you deal with what's actually true right now. And helps you deal with what's actually true. Right now I worked with a client who used to run 10 Ks at 50, 40 pounds heavier. His mindset became, if I can't run like I used to, then what's the point of trying it all? But here's the challenge. What if the belief that what if the belief that only your younger body can enjoy movement? But here's the challenge. What if your belief that only your younger body can enjoy movement? Is actually the thing holding you back because joy and physical freedom don't disappear with age. They just change the rules. Just change. Which leads me to coping skill number three, small, trackable, and compa, which leads me to coping skill number three, small, trackable, compassionate change. Which leads me to S which leads me to, which leads me to coping skill number three, small, trackable and compassionate change. I know overhauls sound exciting in January. A complete detox, not eating any sugar, maybe a no alcohol. January. Hey, if that's where your energy is, go for it, but then come back to this podcast in February because in honesty. Because the truth is that all or nothing, that truth is in midlife. That all or nothing usually collapses. Once February rolls around, your plate is full, your nervous system is full abundance, says two small changes that you can succeed in 80% of the time. Abundance says two small changes. You can succeed at 80% of the time. One of my clients is using Noom her way. The first three weeks, she simply tracked breakfast and shifted to real food. The next three weeks she continued with breakfast, but then focused on hydration five days a week. Slowly and surely, she built confidence, consistency. All with a compassionate mindset. Know all or nothing, just small steps that she can inc, no, all or nothing. Just small steps that you can incorporate into your life. I know there's a part of you, at least there's a part of me that hates to keep track of anything connected to food. Start small. Put post-it notes up to remind yourself to drink water or to eat breakfast and just keep track of those small and just keep track of those small segments. Most midlifers have to-do lists all over the place. Just add it to your, to just add it to your to-do list. Why? Because I want you to show up for you. I can't. I can't do. You might be thinking, but MJ, this is gonna be so much work. This is new skills. Really want a simple path to wellness. Feed yourself like you feed your loved ones. So many clients I work with, make sure their children eat breakfast, have healthy snacks. Don't drink sugary drinks, don't drink sugary drinks and hydrate. But when it comes to how they feed themselves, no breakfast, no snacks, and when things go haywire, a huge frappuccino. So feed yourself like you feed those you love. Most midlife people I work with Undereat and most midlife people I have worked with Undereat from the minute they wake up until mid afternoon. You don't need to change your whole life, but give to yourself what you are giving to others. This shift often opens the door. This shift often, this shift often opens a door to real. This shift often opens a door to real progress, real change. This week's Inner Challenge is this. Choose one small eating behavior that supports your midlife body and track it for the next week. For example, eat a real breakfast. Hydrate from the minute you wake up until hydrate early and often add a protein to breakfast and lunch. Reduce going out to eat once or twice a week, or next time you're in the grocery store or gas station. Put on your Abundant Mindset glasses and look at the SY and look at the food. Put on your Abundant mindset glasses and look at the food all around you. See how the system is built to have you eat too much. Whatever you choose for your Inner Challenge, put it somewhere where whatever you choose. Put it somewhere visible. I know you don't wanna track it, but please, you're in midlife. You know that when you keep track of, you know that what you keep track of, you seldom lose. So don't lose your resolution to lose weight. Celebrate consistency, not perfection. We're shooting for 80% in this episode, you discovered. In this episode, you discovered why the food environment not your willpower drives overeating. How updating your body goals for midlife protects your self-worth. Why small, trackable changes support weight loss Without anxiety or stress, you deserve goals that support you, not punish you. If you want some concrete information from pros on how to lose Weight, check out episode 61, where nutritionist Julie Hamilton shares practical shares practical guidance. This is one of my most listened to episodes of all time or check out episode 45 a. Listener's inspiring and realistic midlife weight loss journey. And feel free to share this episode with friends or your partner and support each other in this abundant mindset. And I invite you to share this episode with a friend or your partner, and even better. And even better, join in and support each other in this abundant mindset as you figure out food in this new year. In this abundant mindset as you lean into eating healthier in this new year, on Thursday, we'll explore what happens inside your mind when you try to change. I'm gonna talk about how to manage your Inner critic that says you'll never stick with this, you never have before. Why would this she be different or. Or that meanie inside of you that says, oh my God, you blew it again. So why even continue? Or this is so slow, let's forget it. Or a real obstacle in losing weight. Or how to manage the re or how to manage this really significant obstacle in losing weight when you use food as a coping skill. I'm gonna talk about how to shift that voice so it supports you instead of sabotaging you. Thanks so much for listening. I'm really looking to this. Thanks for listening, and I'm looking, thanks for listening, and I'm really excited about this month of January. Thanks for listening, and I'm excited about this entire month where we lean into the, uh. Thanks. No. Thanks for listening, and I'll be back on Thursday with more Creating midlife Calm.