Ep. 181 – 3 Midlife Coping Skills to Manage Back-to-School Stress & Anxiety Without Passing It On to Your Family

Are you dreading the back-to-school transition—and noticing it’s affecting your whole household?

Back-to-school doesn’t have to mean breakdowns. You can lead with calm instead of chaos.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1.     The value of naming  your feelings about back-to-school.

2.     How understanding the difference between stress and anxiety can help you get sh*t done.

3.     Why your leadership matters—and how to guide your family through this transition with clarity and calm

Listen now to ease anxiety, model resilience, and build a household that’s steady even during stressful seasons. 🎧

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Transcript

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: 0:00

In this episode, you'll discover how to manage your back to school anxiety and stress so you don't pass it on to your family.

Built-in Microphone: 0:08

Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness.

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: 0:32

Welcome to the podcast. Today we're diving into one of the most emotionally charged seasons of the year, the back to school transition. Don't you find August confusing? You're still in summer mode, but expected to pivot into structure schedules, and the ever-growing to-do list for Midlifers. Labor Day doesn't feel like a celebration. It feels like a call to duty. If you've noticed more snapping, sighing, or shutting down in your home, you're not alone. Today, I'm gonna share three coping skills to help you manage this season without passing your stress or your anxiety onto the people you love. Let me start with two real life examples. The first happened at the mall, you can see it, a mom and her children were school shopping. One child was carefully deciding on shoes. You all know how important shoes are. Then after about a minute or two, the mom snapped and she said to her daughter, oh my God, make a decision. I don't have time for this. The child burst into tears. The mom softened and apologized. You've been there. I've been there. We've all been there. Stress overflow. Ouch. Now, contrast that with this moment from my niece and sister. My niece, took her two 8-year-old twins school shopping afterwards the kids stopped by Grandma's house to show her all the neat things they got. spontaneously, they said, Hey, we're gonna do a fashion show for you. Despite my niece's busy schedule, she paused and joined in. My sister said it was so fun, but later I thought it was actually a lot more than that. Children need to try on this transition, and they can't do that unless the adults in their lives create space for it. And that begins surprisingly with the adults first, making a bit of space for themselves. And that leads me to coping skill number one, whether you're a parent or a grandparent helping with this back to school transition, do your Inner work name. Tame and aim. This is gonna take you about 10 to 15 minutes. You can do it anywhere, but you need to do it alone. Stop and pause and ask yourself, what does it feel like to prepare your family for back to school? Take a pause and notice there's no right answer, no judgment Maybe you feel dread or relief or a mixture of both, or maybe the thought of it makes you feel numb. Just Sit with whatever surfaces. And then pause and take a moment. Let it float around in your mind and then breathe. In fact, take a pause right now and notice what is surfacing in you. Perhaps you're realizing that you don't want school to start. If that's you, just say it out loud. Name it. I really don't wanna do this. One client when I asked her to do this looked up at me and said, I want my mother. She made this look easy. Of course, you want someone to make it look easy. But shockingly, you are that person. here's the truth. If you give yourself space to feel what you feel, you can hold space for your child's feelings too. Your children mirror you when you do your Inner work. You help them do theirs. So skill number one is this. Name what you feel. Tame the overwhelm. And aim your energy intentionally. And that leads me to coping skill number two, separate stress from anxiety. I talked about this in episodes 180 1 and 180 2. It's especially relevant now. Back to school means new clothes, new schedules, more transportation, meal prep fees, medical forms, and your regular life doesn't stop. Here's the key difference. When you are paying attention to what's going on inside of you, you are able to separate out stress and anxiety. Stress is what you need to do. Anxiety is what you fear might happen. Stress says, I need to register my kids for soccer. Anxiety says, what if they hate it? And I wasted the money. Stress says we don't know who their teacher is yet. Anxiety says, what if they don't get the really good teacher in their grade? Sorting reality from rumination gives you clarity, action grounds you, anxiety pulls you into the future. The beauty of coping skill number two is this. You can notice when you're spinning anxious stories and return to the next right step. And remember, you're not preparing your child to float through calm waters. You're teaching them how to steer through waves, which leads us to coping skill Number three, become the leader Your kids need. This is where it all comes together. Have you ever noticed how we never quite feel our age? At 16, you felt all grown up. Now raising kids, you may feel not quite grown up enough. That disconnect can keep you from stepping into your agency, your power, your role as the leader in your family, but now is the time. You are the lighthouse, not the tugboat. You don't need to drag everyone through this transition. You just need to be a calm and visible presence that lights the way. So ask yourself, what kind of leader do you want to be in your child's education? What messages am I sending my children about? School learning and effort? Let's not forget something so important. School is the most essential part of childhood. Because if you're listening to this podcast, I am taking for granted that your children are surrounded by adults who love them. When you get clear about the importance of school in your children's life, that clarity will not only help you lead, but will help them know what to follow. Sure some dropouts become millionaires, but as I always told my junior high students, let's not plan on you being the exception, but rather plan on you needing to know how to read, write, and do arithmetic. Without being successful in school, and I don't mean everybody needs to be the valedictorian, your child's life will be limited. Imagine your life without education. Imagine your child's life without education, your community's life without education. The world without education. Just doing this thought experiment can help you shift from seeing school as a burden to really being grateful to its role in our life. Can you see school as a sacred task and you are shepherding the next generation through what really is this incredible opportunity? School is a community project, one of the greatest that has ever been created. So show up for the transition like you would for a championship game or the opening night of a play. Reconnect with a deeper purpose of creating a home where your children's education is a priority. There's a place for homework and there's assistance and time for it to be done without them being distracted. Remember, you're not alone. The teachers are your partners. You are the leader and that for many parents is a bit of a shock. If you step into this, I wanna thank you in advance because the return on the investment is immeasurable, not just for your child. Not just for you, but for me and my children and my grandchildren. And this leads me to this week's Inner Challenge. I want you to reflect on the emotional tone that you want to lead with this school year. Pick one word, peaceful, steady, lighthearted. Strong present. Whatever your word is, and there's a lot others than the ones I just suggested. Write it on sticky notes, put them where you'll see them. The mirror, the refrigerator. Your planner. Leadership. Isn't about being the loudest voice. It's actually about being the calm center. You don't need to control everything. You need to lead with intention. In this episode, you've discovered the importance of naming, taming, and aiming your feelings as you lead your family through the transition of returning to school, I've encouraged you to notice and separate your stress from anxiety and step into breath work and manage your mind and move it to a healthier place. And lastly, to step into your role as the lighthouse. A calm, intentional leader that helps your children see the way with more clarity, more gratitude, and probably a bit of a plan. What I've seen over the years is this, when parents take just a little time to reflect, they have the clarity and energy to help their children do the same. And that's what I plan to talk about on Thursday, how to build a peaceful morning routine so your family can get out the door without stress and anxiety. It'll be practical and doable. If you have friends also going through this transition, forward this podcast to them. Thanks for listening, and I'll be back on Thursday with more Creating midlife Calm.