Ep. 178 Two science-backed coping skills that calm stress & anxiety fast in Midlife

Are your quick-fix habits like snacking, scrolling, or venting actually increasing your anxiety?
Most midlife coping habits bring temporary comfort—but they can sabotage your long-term calm.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1. Two free, science-backed coping skills that calm anxiety fast
2. A simple coping skill to decrease your stress response and boost sleep
3. A 90-second habit to ground yourself when anxiety hijacks your focus

Listen now to learn how to stop the stress cycle and finally feel more present and in control.

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Transcript

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: 0:00

In this episode, you'll discover two free science-backed coping skills that can calm your anxiety fast and naturally.

Built-in Microphone: 0:09

Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness.

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: 0:34

Welcome to the podcast. If you've ever found yourself stress eating in the kitchen endlessly scrolling on your phone or venting to someone and feeling worse afterwards, you're not alone. In this episode, you'll discover two science backed ways to reduce anxiety that won't cost a cent and can actually boost your energy and improve your sleep. In episode 1 79, we talked about three common coping habits that backfire when it comes to midlife anxiety, snacking to soothe emotional discomfort, scrolling to escape hard feelings, spilling, talking too much, too fast, too often as a way to discharge anxiety instead of processing it. If you are like most Midlifers, you reach for these habits instinctively. They offer a quick hit of comfort, but they don't address the deeper dysregulation that anxiety brings to your body and mind. I can't wait to share today's skills with you because I've seen them work not just with my clients, but in my own life as well, first, let's check in. How'd you do with Monday's Inner Challenge? We practiced the power of the pause to stop in the moment and notice before you snack, scroll, or spill. Did you know that pausing is actually a skill? It may sound simple, but when your body is ramped up with anxiety, pausing becomes an Olympic moment. It takes real self-awareness to catch what's happening in your mind and body and not go into autopilot. Even if you remember to pause just once or twice this week, that is a huge win. You're training your nervous system to respond with awareness instead of reaction, and that is no small thing. I often recommend putting a few post-it notes around that. Simply say, pause or notice. It's a gentle nudge to bring you back to yourself. So now the question becomes, what do you do after the pause when you notice you're anxious? Today I want to offer two coping skills that truly help. They're grounded in research and I've taught them for nearly four decades, one of my favorite testaments to their success is that both my junior high students and the Notre Dame football players began using these on their own without any prompting from me. I. Coping skill number one is a simple mindfulness practice. I call notice on the outside. Hold on, don't click out. When you hear the word mindfulness, all mindfulness means is that you're moving your mind where you want it to go. Basically, you're stopping the steal, reclaiming your attention from anxiety. Let me give you a real life example. One of my children is currently unemployed and working hard to find a job. One morning I read a headline on Apple News that said the lower rungs of the job ladder have disappeared. My body tensed up immediately. My mind started to lean into catastrophizing, but with the superpower of self-awareness. I noticed and paused. I put my phone down, and next to me was a key ring For 90 seconds. I gently breathed and studied the pattern on the key and the word stamped on it. Do not duplicate. And just like that, my mind began shifting. Yes, that is the power of mindfulness. Instead of my mind running amuck, I brought it to a simple key. And after about 60 seconds. I had a chuckle. I thought to myself, well, there is no need to duplicate anxiety. The job will come. She's doing all the right things with a clearer mind. I set down my phone. I. Notice on the outside is simple. Look around, really look and choose something neutral or pleasant to focus on. It could be the light on the wall, a coffee mug, the bark on a tree. Don't make it difficult. Move your attention to the object and breathe slowly. Staying with that image for 60 to 90 seconds. Why does this work? Because anxiety pulls your attention inward into a loop of what ifs and catastrophizing. It's important to remember that many of your anxious thoughts aren't based in reality. Their fear. Remember, anxiety belongs to the fear family, and you don't have to keep showing up for that reunion. Noticing something outside yourself grounds your mind in the present and gently calms your nervous system. And from that more subtle place, you'll think more clearly. And respond more effectively. Anxiety, can make you unintentionally self-focused. And just realizing this can give you motivation to use these simple hacks, not only so you feel better, but for the health of your relationships. This leads me to coping skill number two, walk just. walk. I've been in Ireland for a month because of my husband's job, and I've been walking everywhere and you know what? It is shocking how little anxiety I feel. Walking is one of the most underrated mental health tools we have. It decreases anxiety, it improves sleep, it boosts energy, and it even helps you lose weight. If I could gift you any one coping skill, it would be this walk with the intention of eventually reaching 7,000 steps a day. Why 7,000? Because that's what research tells us we need for physical and mental wellbeing. Turns out 7,000 is where the science back benefits kick in. Your movement regulates stress hormones, boost brain oxygen and releases endorphins. Plus it creates a rhythm left foot. Right foot, which soothes the nervous system. Now I'm going to add a twist and you might not love it. Try to make 10 to 15 minutes of your walking mindful. Here's what that means. No earbuds. No scrolling. Just feel your feet. Notice your breath. Observe the air on your face. Is it thick with heat and humidity or crisp with the morning air? Take in the sights. The smells, the rhythm of your steps mindfully. Be aware of all of your senses as you walk. One of my midlife clients was going through a tough season at work. Despite good progress in therapy, she still came home anxious and drained. I asked her to look at her steps during our session, and on average, she was walking 2000 steps a day. After sharing with her the science, she agreed to up her steps to 7,000. What did she do? She parked farther away from the office and added a 15 minute mindful walk at lunch. At first, she hated it. She had never walked without listening to music or a podcast. As she walked, her mind initially kept ruminating about work, thoughts about the project she was working on, feeling annoyed at a coworker who wasn't pulling her weight on a project. But around day three, she started noticing the flowers in the park. And out of nowhere, a little mantra surfaced. It's only a job. It's only a job. That mantra was calming right sizing work, and it stayed with her. She even began to intentionally say it as she walked from the far end of the parking garage. A week later, another mantra popped up, leave work at work, be at home. She found herself walking around the block after work. Earbuds out repeating that line gently to herself. On most days, those three walks totaled about 20 to 25 minutes and almost 3000 steps, leaving only 2000 more to hit her goal. But what surprised her the most by being more present and less distracted, she started connecting with positive messages, ones that were there all along, but buried beneath her initial anxiety and her constant stream of entertainment on her phone. She wasn't spending enough time with herself to hear them. Whether it's walking at lunch gently reminding yourself it's only a job, or walking to your car after work, letting go of the day and whispering, I'm done with work for the day. Mindful steps, give your anxiety somewhere to go. It interrupts the snack scroll, spell loop. It also improves your heart rate variability and vagal tone. Both linked to reduced anxiety and better sleep as you move through the rest of your week, just notice where could you take 90 seconds to notice something outside of you? When could a short walk without earbuds be a gift? To your nervous system, your body is built to move, but our culture tells you that only intense workouts count that simply is not true. A little walking goes a long way. And remember, your steps don't have to all come at once. Try walking while you're waiting to pick up your kids. Circle the soccer field during practice. Take a walking call with a colleague something I am adding this month to my self-care is walking after dinner. New research shows that just two to 10 minutes of walking after dinner lowers blood sugar, improves sleep, and calms your nervous system. Listen to a podcast blast your favorite music, call a friend. But don't forget, there's a lot of wisdom inside you and sometimes you need a quiet structure, like a mindful walk to hear it. In this episode, you've discovered two science-backed coping habits to replace the urge to snack, scroll and spill one. Notice on the outside giving your mind a calming anchor in moments of emotional overwhelm. Two walking 7,000 steps a day with 10 to 20 minutes of mindful walking to help your body and mind get in sync from the beginning of time. Humans have walked and walked and walked. So lace up your shoes or kick'em off and let your body and mind reconnect so you naturally move to a place of calm. Thanks for listening, and I'll be back on Monday with more creating midlife calm.