Ep. 161 Science Says Summer Fun Is the Midlife Coping Skill You Forgot & It Can Calm Your Anxiety

Are you too anxious, tired, or busy to have fun this summer?
You’re not alone—but science shows that fun  isn’t frivolous

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1. Why summer is uniquely suited to help you reset your anxiety.
2. How childhood memories can guide your adult self toward healing and play.
3. A simple 3-step tool to help you bring back fun—even if it feels far away.

🎧 Press play to learn how small moments of joy can interrupt the stress cycle and become one of your most reliable coping skills in midlife.

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Transcript

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: 0:00

In this episode, you'll discover how saying yes to summer fun calms your anxiety. Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness. Welcome to the podcast. It's summertime where the living is easy. Or is it? For many midlife parents, it's anything but. By the end of this episode, I'll share why Summer is a powerful coping skill for anxiety, the science behind positive distraction and what to do if you find it hard to have fun. Which is incredibly common for people struggling with anxiety. Summer may not always be easy, but it can be one of the most accessible and effective tools in your anxiety toolkit. Before I dive in, let me acknowledge the bane of every midlife parent's existence, scheduling summer activities for your kids. One of my amazing midlife mom clients, opened our session by reading to me her children's summer schedule. I almost stood up and clapped right there in my office because I know the mental gymnastics it takes to coordinate summer schedules for kids. Let's face it, in most places, creating a summer schedule for kids means becoming a logistics expert. Our school calendars were created hundreds of years ago for an agrarian economy when parents needed kids home to bale, hay, det, tassel corn, and canned vegetables. Today, those outdated calendars translate into stress and high costs. So if you're listening to this in June and you've done your best, take a moment and give yourself a pat on the back. It's a real accomplishment. Now, let's turn to you in summertime. Who has scheduled your summer? Take a minute and float back to your own childhood summers. When you think about your childhood summers, what shifts in your body? Do you feel a little more relaxed, a little calmer? Ah To be a kid in summertime, I want a little bit of this for you. Why? Because your brain and body are not built for nonstop stress, but midlife often feels like an endless to-do list. You're caring for others, managing work, juggling finances. Fun can feel irresponsible, impossible, or even selfish. But neuroscience tells us a different story. When you engage in playful, novel, and sensory rich activities, your brain releases chemicals like dopamine and serotonin, the very ones that help regulate mood and anxiety. Even brief moments of fun help reset the stress response. Summer gives you the natural opportunity to access these. Longer days, time outside music festivals, lake swims, grilled meals, barefoot mornings, and no homework. I want you to lean into summer, not just for your kids, but for you. Think back to what you love to do in your childhood. Summers, biking, swimming, the four H fair, unscheduled days. I often ask clients in May to jot down five things they love doing as kids, things they could still do now with very little effort. This becomes what I call summer fun list. a reminder that fun is a valid and necessary way to reset the nervous system. Then I ask them to pick two and put them on the calendar. One of my midlife dad clients remembered walking with his father just as the fireflies came out. He added this to his weekly schedule one night for each child, and they called it Firefly night. Later when reflecting on what helped most with his anxiety and depression, Firefly Night made the top three. He eventually made it a year round event. Calling it star and moon night. Your childhood holds the key to simple healing experiences. Trust, what surfaces, and put it on your calendar just like you do with your kids' summer schedules. Another benefit of summer fun is grounding. Summer activities are naturally grounding, whether you're gardening, kayaking, swimming, or picnicking. These activities immerse you in the present moment, and as I've said on this podcast many times, presence is a powerful antidote to anxiety. I want the science. This grounding effect calms your nervous system. The feel of water on your skin, music in your ears, sun on your shoulders. Oh, just saying it. I feel relaxed. All of these activities send safety cues to your brain. That's why fun isn't frivolous. It's a way to tell your mind and body. I'm safe. I'm allowed to feel good. But what if fun feels hard for you? What if you have forgotten how to have fun? Amidst all your responsibilities. You're not alone. Anxiety, flattens joy. Lots of people with anxiety get a boost from checking things off the list. And trust me, there is nothing wrong with that unless play never makes the list. Maybe you grew up in a family that was all work and no play and fun wasn't something that was modeled for you. If that's the case this summer, I invite you to go to fun camp. It's free, and you get to decide all the activities. To be honest, you are the head counselor. If you are not sure where to start when it comes to fun, here are three small but powerful ways to begin reclaiming your summer of fun. One, give yourself permission. If you grew up hearing that fun must be earned, or it's not important, you're free to change your mind. That's the greatest part about being an adult. So say it out loud. I am going to have some fun this summer. Fun isn't something to earn. It is something I need. Number two, schedule it just like my midlife dad. Pick your activity and put it on the books. I what a great client story. I had a client, a very serious doer who worked across from a park. She said to me, MJ, I haven't played a day in my life. She started taking her lunch there to watch the kids play. What began as a twice a week outing turned into a daily habit. Rainy days really bummed her out, but most days she watched the kids and it changed her relationship with play. Which leads me to my third suggestion. Start small. Don't overthink this. Fun isn't always big or planned. That's why my client was brilliant when she watched children. They were just at the park creating the fun moments as they were moving through time. Sometimes fun is reading on the porch, throwing a Frisbee, or sitting with your feet in the grass. For me, it's walking a dog. Don't care whose dog or where we're going. Just walking a dog is fun for me. What matters is the practice of showing up for yourself, of intentionally setting your mindset that says, I'm gonna have some fun this summer. In this episode we've talked about how summer fun can calm your anxiety. Allowing yourself to go back and remember those activities you loved as a child can really be brought back into your life today to help calm your nervous system. And how using simple childhood pleasures like watching fireflies or eating lunch in a park can be powerful healing rituals. I encouraged you to create your own summer fun list. Fun isn't something to earn, it's something to practice. Your Inner Challenge this week is to create your personal summer fun list. Jot down five summer activities that lift your spirit. Don't overthink this. Don't make it difficult. Trust whatever surfaces. You can do this anywhere while waiting in the car or watching those. Oh, so slow baseball games play themselves out. Then choose one. Schedule it, and while you're doing it, tune in to what it feels like for yourself. Can you feel it in your body? What does fun feel like in your body? Sometimes it's silly, sometimes it's sweaty. Sometimes it smells like sunscreen and burgers. Sometimes it can be a little flat. But remember, this is something that you practice, so don't have too high of expectations at first. Be patient and integrate these fun activities into your day. Let your body and mind remember this simple childhood truth. Summer is healing. You don't have to earn your joy, you don't have to earn your fun. And even five minutes of play might be exactly what your nervous system needs. If you're shaking your head saying, MJ, I don't have time for fun. I hear you, but your body, mind, and soul need it. On Thursday, I'll follow up with an episode on how to bring fun and play into your daily life. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend or take 30 seconds to rate the show. It really helps others find out about it. Thanks for listening, and I'll be back on Thursday with creating Midlife Calm.