Ep. 138 The 4-Step Brain Hack to Stop Intrusive Thoughts & Lower Anxiety in Midlife

Ever had a frightening thought pop into your head that you just can’t shake?

Intrusive thoughts happen to everyone, but without the right tools, they can spiral into anxiety, stress, and sleepless nights.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

1.  How to recognize intrusive thoughts before they take over.

2.  A powerful four-step process backed by science to stop anxious thoughts in         their tracks.

3.  A fun brain hack that weakens anxiety and brings relief instantly.

Hit play now to start reducing intrusive thoughts before they control you—so you can feel calmer, more present, and back in control of your mind.

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Transcript

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (2): 0:00

In this episode, you'll discover an easy way to stop intrusive thoughts. Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness. Welcome to the podcast. Today we're tackling intrusive thoughts. You know, those unwelcome, repetitive thoughts that pop up at the worst times. Maybe you're lying in bed trying to sleep and suddenly your brain thinks, I hope my child doesn't get in a car wreck. Or perhaps you're at a stoplight and you think, am I doing enough for my kids? Maybe you're in the shower and you're overwhelmed by the thought, I'm going to lose my job. I know I'm going to lose my job. How will I pay for my house? Here's the good news. We all have intrusive thoughts. Here's the bad news. Without a plan to manage them, they will trigger your anxiety and steal your calm. In today's episode, I'm going to give you a simple and surefire way to manage intrusive thoughts so they don't manage you. I'll apply my super easy emotional regulation coping skills to your intrusive thoughts so by the end of the episode, you'll know exactly how to pivot using notice, name, tame, and aim. I'm also going to share the brain science behind why these techniques work. The best part? Managing intrusive thoughts can actually bring a little fun into your life. So let's begin. Step one, you're doing your life and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you have an intrusive thought. The first thing you have to do is you need to recognize that this is just a thought. Recently, a client of mine came into session, worried that she was not doing enough for her elderly mother, who was recently widowed, and lived about an hour away. She was waking up at three in the morning, her heart was pounding, her thoughts were racing, and her brain was looping with the same set of worries. I need to do more. I need to find her friends. Maybe I should have her move in with me. I bet you've had these before, because after all, we all have intrusive thoughts. The first step in breaking the cycle is noticing the intrusive thought as it happens. Of course, this isn't always easy to do at 3am, but once I tell people, this is an intrusive thought, they suddenly see it for what it is. Intrusive. Here's a simple way to spot the difference. If you're sitting down writing a grocery list, paying bills, or planning a work project, those are useful thoughts. But if you're brushing your teeth and suddenly think, I don't know if I'm going to be financially secure in my old age, that's an intrusive thought. It comes out of nowhere and it doesn't serve you. Basically, an intrusive thought is useless. If you want to bring your mind to a calmer, healthier place, you need to notice. when you're having intrusive thoughts. Studies show that your brain has about 6, 000 thoughts per day, but here's the catch, most of them are not true. Research on cognitive bias suggests that only 20 30 percent of your thoughts are based on observable reality. The rest, assumptions, interpretations, Mental chatter and intrusive thoughts. That's why it will really help you to use this method that I am sharing with you today. Because after all, if only 20 or 30 percent of those 6, 000 thoughts are actual truth, why would you let your emotional reaction to a thought Dictate how you feel as you move through your day. And that's where naming comes in. Step two, after you've noticed you've had the intrusive thought is to name it. In fact, I encourage you to say it out loud. Or even sing it. Hang in, let me explain. You're loading the dishwasher, trying to get to the next thing, and all of a sudden, an intrusive thought comes in, I hope nothing happens to my dog. You notice it, and you name it for what it is. This is just an intrusive thought. Or, there goes my thoughts again. Or my favorite, this thought is not useful. Or you can ask yourself, is this actually true? By labeling it, you strip away its power. Science tells us that naming emotions and thoughts reduces the activity in your amygdala, the fear center of your brain, and it actually strengthens your prefrontal cortex. Intrusive thoughts come from the fear center of your brain. So when you name them, it actually forces your brain to become more logical. Got it? You have the intrusive thought and you follow it up by saying to yourself or out loud, this is just an intrusive thought. This thought is not useful. Or is this the whole truth? If it's a particularly powerful thought, or if you even want to weaken it more, I would encourage you to sing it out loud. Try putting it to the tune of Happy Birthday Or Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. My client, who I spoke of earlier, who was having intrusive thoughts about not doing enough for her mother, got really brave and sang to the tune of Frère Jacques, I'm not doing enough. I'm not doing enough. I'm not doing enough. in order to have the process of naming it weaken the intrusive thoughts. When my client did this, she had this insight, this memory that her mother always felt like she wasn't doing enough for her children. But she, as a child, thought her mother had done plenty for her. So in step two, name it. Trust yourself on the best way to do this, whether it's to say it to yourself in your mind, whether it's to say it out loud, or whether it's to put the thought to song. This second step allows you to move from fear to logic, and that moves you to the next step. Tame. There's nothing like an intrusive thought to get your body into high alert. Of course, because intrusive thoughts are scary. They come from the fear center of your brain and that sends signals to your body that it's time to be on high alert. So step three is tame. Notice, name, and tame. And how do you do it? Move your awareness to your body. Find where the sensations land on your body. Maybe your heart, maybe your arms, maybe your head. Ground your feet. Place your hand gently wherever your body feels in a heightened state of sensation and allow yourself to do gentle breath work. Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor discovered that when you have an emotional reaction, a thought, an instant chemical response will last for about 90 seconds. And the great news for you is that if you can Tame your emotional reaction as you're having it by placing your hands wherever your body feels in a heightened state and breathe for 90 seconds. You're going to experience a decrease of emotion and that is really important for moving Beyond your intrusive thoughts. Let's say you're having a particularly intense intrusive thought and maybe that 90 seconds of breath work isn't enough. Do another round. Feet on the ground, hands over your heart, and just breathe. Imagine these intense sensations flowing out of your body. And dissipating. After two or three rounds, if your body is still lit up, let me teach you a really fun intervention. It's called the physiological sigh. Neuroscientist, Dr. Andrew Huberman's research found that the physiological sigh is another helpful tool when moving through intrusive thoughts. Let's do it together. All you do in this easy, and free coping skill is you take a deep inhale through your nose. And then you take a smaller inhale to fully expand your lungs, and then you slowly exhale through your mouth. Deep inhale through your nose, a second smaller inhale to fully expand your lungs, and exhale slowly with your mouth. The science behind the physiological sigh is that it reduces your CO2 levels in the blood and it signals to the brain that everything is okay, and that lowers your anxiety and increases your calm. So, Notice name and taming really helps your intrusive thoughts be managed and moved to a different place, which is step four. And that's aim. That's where you redirect your thoughts to a meaningful activity. A common intrusive thought in midlife is what if something terrible happens to my kids? When my kids first went to college, I'd be busy living my life and out of nowhere this intrusive thought would overwhelm me. Here's what I would do. I would say to myself, this is not a helpful thought. Then I would put my hands over my heart where most of my anxiety centers itself and I would breathe until I felt centered. Then I would ask myself, once my body was a bit calmer and my mind was clearer, what would be fun for me to do right now? Every single time, not instantly, but if I just had a little patience. 5, 10, 15 seconds. Something would come into my mind. Go for a walk. Call my sister. I'd want to finish the project I was working on. The science behind this is engaging in a meaningful activity increases dopamine and serotonin, breaking the cycle of rumination. Notice, name, tame, and aim. Think about the great news. You have the agency to move your mind from a scary place to an enjoyable place. But I'm going to be honest, this isn't going to happen if you don't intentionally commit to using this process when an intrusive thought comes. I don't want to see you suffer and trust me, I have worked with a lot of people who suffer with intrusive thoughts. I've also worked with a lot of people who have them but never speak about them in the light of day and anything in the dark gets more power. I want to encourage you to notice name, Tame and Aim. So your mind can be in the present, doing things that are enjoyable and creating calm in your everyday life. Today we explored how to manage intrusive thoughts using notice, name, tame, and aim. Notice a thought and recognize it as mental chatter. Name it out loud so you can weaken its grip. Tame it with the 90 second rule. and the physiological sigh, if necessary. Aim your focus on something meaningful and enjoyable. Your inner challenge this week is to notice an intrusive thought and then name, tame, and aim it. If you know someone who suffers from intrusive thoughts, I encourage you to send them this podcast because intrusive thoughts are so uncomfortable and there is a way for all of us to be free from them. I'll be back on Thursday to follow up and to talk about how understanding your brain's negativity bias can help you decrease your intrusive thoughts forever. Thanks for listening to Creating Midlife Calm.