Ep. 132 Eliminate Imposter Syndrome Forever with These 3 Coping Skills

Have you ever stepped into a new—whether at work, in your community, or in your personal life—only to feel like an imposter?

Don’t let "imposter syndrome"  take over and crush this great opportunity.

In this episode you’ll discover:
1.    Why the term “imposter syndrome” is outdated and how it may be holding you back.

2. Three proven coping skills to reduce anxiety and step into new roles with confidence.

3. How a simple growth map can transform self-doubt into structured learning and professional success.

Hit play now to learn how to replace imposter syndrome with a mindset that fosters confidence, resilience, and growth in midlife so you can enjoy your new opportunity!

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

Transcript

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: 0:00

In this episode, you'll discover the surprisingly simple way to eliminate imposter syndrome forever. Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness. Welcome to the podcast. Congratulations! You just got a promotion, became president of your child's school board, or finished a degree or training program. Way to go. You are brave. For a day or two, you feel great, but then self doubt and anxiety creep in. Your stomach tightens, your shoulders get tense, and you start wondering, can I really do this? In today's episode, we're talking about imposter syndrome, the wave of self doubt and anxiety that often follows saying yes to something new. By the end of this episode, I hope to convince you to throw out the term imposter syndrome forever and replace it with something far more effective and empowering. I'll give you a new way to understand self doubt and three coping skills that will help you navigate this transition with more confidence calm and success. And as always, I'll end with an inner challenge, a simple practical step you can take right away to reduce self doubt and anxiety as you move forward in this new role. Let's begin by exploring the origin of the term imposter syndrome. It was first coined in 1978 by two psychologists who studied 150 high achieving women who felt like they were frauds despite their accomplishments. This research found that these women, all in leadership roles, believed their success was due more to luck than ability. Now, more than 45 years later, this term imposter syndrome has become deeply embedded in our American psyche. Research shows that over 80 percent of people experience it at some point. I hear it in my office almost every day. But I believe this term is not only destructive and inaccurate, it also takes the fun out of promotions, leadership role, and the process of integrating new skills into your life. To be honest, I am on a one woman campaign to eliminate this term. In my work with my clients, I've seen firsthand how labeling themselves as imposters can be crippling. But you might be wondering, hey MJ, if 80 percent of Americans feel this way, how can so many people be wrong? Well, let's put it into perspective. In the 1950s, nearly half of Americans smoked. But as new information emerged, 11 percent today. Our understanding evolved and just like that, I think it's time to rethink imposter syndrome. Let's dig deeper into history. In 1978, how many female CEOs do you think there were in Fortune 500 companies? Yep, zero. Women made up only 5 percent of executive level roles in large corporations. So when these psychologists studied 150 high achieving women, they weren't just studying feelings of self doubt. They were studying women who had every reason to feel out of place in leadership roles. Think about it. To rise to leadership at that time. These women needed luck, timing, and perhaps most importantly, a male leader willing to take a chance on them. They weren't just battling personal doubt. They were navigating a system that had never envisioned them in those roles before. So Yes, luck played a role. the right abilities, the right male leader with the vision to see women as executives, and the right moment in history. All had to align. It is 45 years later, folks. From my perspective, we have outgrown this term. Let me bring this back to you. You've just stepped into a new leadership role. Maybe you've completed a life coaching course, changed careers, got promoted to director's position, or became the president of your child's school board. At first, it all felt exciting, but now it can feel really overwhelming. Your confidence takes a hit as the new challenges arise. Tasks you didn't anticipate, responsibilities you didn't expect. People who are not easy to work with. Without realizing it, you find yourself saying to your spouse or your friend or your mentor, I feel like an imposter. I don't have what it takes to do this. What once felt like a dream opportunity now feels like a burden and suddenly you're stuck. Let's change that. Coping skill number one, You need to label your experience correctly. You are not an imposter. You're a professional. In a growth phase, Your new role is challenging you to grow. Some lessons are expected. Others come out of nowhere. Some are easy. Others stretch you to your limits. But that doesn't mean you're a fraud. It means you're evolving. You have been given this opportunity because people believe you can grow into it, not because people think you step into the opportunity already knowing how to do every single part of it. Let me share a personal story. When I first started this podcast, I was confident in my content, but not confident in my tech skills or in speaking without real people in front of me. As an extrovert, I'm a better speaker when I'm responding to a real person in real time. After recording my first pilot episode, doubt hit me hard. Who am I to do this? I don't belong here. I sent the episode to a few trusted friends and colleagues. One of them replied with an email that stopped me in my tracks. She wrote, I couldn't even finish the episode. It was too painful to hear you trying so hard. Ouch! Her words were harsh but honest. When I re listened, I could hear it too. I was overcompensating because I was uncomfortable. At that moment, I had a choice. I could say, she's right, I don't belong here. Or I could say, she's right, I need to learn how to do this. at that moment, and I am not kidding you. It was as if I was struck with lightning. I wasn't an imposter. I was a learner. What many people call imposter syndrome is really just intellectual doubt. The natural uncertainty that comes when we're learning something completely new. The antidote isn't to withdraw into self doubt. It's to embrace the learning process. And that brings us to coping skill number two. Coping skill number two asks that you create a growth map to shift your mindset from I'm an imposter to I'm a learner in a professional growth phase. You need a plan for your growth. I've helped over 100 clients do this and here's what works. create a physical or digital record of what you need to learn in this new role. This could be on a Word doc, a journal, or even a whiteboard in your office. List out, and some of my clients actually draw out, the skills both the expected and unexpected skills you need to develop. The key is to get them out of your head and onto paper so they don't stay overwhelming or vague and make your whole mind feel cloudy and overwhelmed. Let me give you an example. A client of mine had just received a big promotion at work. She felt overwhelmed and unqualified. So she created a growth map on a whiteboard behind her desk. She wrote, I am learning. How to use AI, the new budgeting process, more effective annual reviews, who each board member is, how to leave work at work, and finally, and most importantly, to accept that learning all of this will take time. Every time she walked into her office, she saw that list. She told me that instead of feeling like an imposter, She felt relief followed by pride. She had always thought of herself as a striver, but she had never embraced being a learner. That simple shift helped her feel more centered, grounded, and focused. And something unexpected happened, and this is really, really great. During her performance review, she received higher ratings from her direct reports in one key area, approachability. She used to score low when employees were asked if they felt comfortable going to her with problems. But when she asked them what had changed, Every single one of them mentioned her whiteboard. Seeing their leader embrace her own learning process gave them permission to do the same. By embracing this mindset, I am a learner. You also accept that your list of skills is dynamic, always evolving. As you continue to learn and grow, learning transforms intellectual doubt into intellectual humility. I may not know how to do this yet, but I can learn. You cannot be an imposter at something you are still learning. This leads me to my last coping skill, regulate Reregulate and regulate. Learning is not easy. It can make you feel lost, inadequate, and like you don't belong. I've learned so much from creating this podcast, but if I'm honest, I have felt as much as I have learned. I have felt inadequate, afraid, disappointed, Lost and frustrated, especially when I forget the million little tech details needed to edit and produce just one episode. And here's something important. You can't learn effectively. If you're emotionally dysregulated, the final skill is one I teach all the time, yet it's so easy to forget when shifting from I'm an imposter to I'm a learner. You will feel self doubt and anxiety in this new role. The key is to notice your emotion, name what you're feeling, tame your reaction by regulating your body, and aim your focus toward learning a number of years ago, I had an opportunity to teach my mental wellness program, Inner Challenge, to freshman football players at Notre Dame. I was excited, but incredibly anxious. As the session got closer, my anxiety skyrocketed. On a scale of 1 to 10, it was a 12. My heart was racing, my palms were actually sweating, and my mind was spinning with worst case scenarios. I could see these big bulky guys sitting in these chairs, rolling their eyes at this middle aged woman. I knew I had two choices. Let the fear take over and lose my focus. Regulate my way through it so I could show up fully. So, I sat down in one of the chairs. I placed my hand over my heart where I could feel my distress. I closed my eyes and I focused on my breath. And I continued to breathe until my anxiety went from a 12 to a 3 or a 4. The goal isn't to get rid of it completely because anxiety says you care, the goal is to decrease it enough that you have mental clarity. It took me about two, three minutes to do this, and then something inside of me shifted. My body relaxed and suddenly I saw things differently. I realized that these young men are the same age as my nephew, who happens to love learning about mental wellness. If Notre Dame had wanted me to teach these guys how to catch a football, I'd actually be an imposter. But they were asking me to teach something I know well, and I could do that. I wasn't an imposter, I was just a learner stepping into something new. me give another example. I've worked with many clients in leadership positions who had to give reports to senior executives. What's their biggest fear? Worry that they won't appear confident and competent in front of people who seem to have it all together. Most people's default response to anxiety is to suppress it, or what I call Unclaim it. Just push through it. Ignore it. Don't think about it. That doesn't work. Instead, I teach them this simple exercise. Before you go into the room, all prepared with your graphs and your PowerPoints, etc. Give yourself permission to be fully prepared Plan a few minutes to notice, name, and click. Tame and aim. All this sounds simple, and it is, but it is incredibly effective. Now, here's the one big exception to everything we've discussed today. What if you actually are an imposter? What if you are being asked to do something you don't have the skills for and don't have the desire to learn? This is not self doubt. This is about integrity. There's a difference between feeling unqualified, which means you're stretching into something new, and being unqualified, which means you've taken on something without the right skills, preparation, or willingness to learn. One is about growth, the other is the lack of integrity. We're living in a time when on a national level, people are being placed in roles they aren't qualified for. And while this can be very concerning, the truth is, time will correct it. Intellectual humility means you know what you don't know. Intellectual arrogance means you don't know what you don't know. And that is a little dangerous. In my experience, self awareness is the key. Intellectual humility and integrity will always prevent you from being a real imposter. So as you step into something new, know that it can feel overwhelming. But as we've explored today, that doesn't mean you're an imposter. It means you are growing and learning. In this episode, you've discovered the foundational coping skill for eliminating imposter syndrome from your life. Reframe your mindset can help you recognize that you're in a healthy, dynamic, professional growth phase, not an imposter. Coping skill number two, how creating a growth map. Turn self doubt into a structured learning path and coping skill number three, why emotional regulation is the key from shifting anxiety and self doubt to confidence in new situations. Your inner challenge for this week is to turn self doubt into learning with this simple exercise. Create a growth map where you put at least three skills you need to learn in this new role. Pick one of these skills and create a simple, doable first step to start learning it. As challenges arise, practice regulating and re regulating your emotions so you have more mental clarity. I'll be back on Thursday to check in on this challenge and talk about something tricky. How to manage a boss who makes you feel like an imposter. Thanks for listening to Creating Midlife Calm.