Ep.71 Mental Wellness: Coping Skills & Fun Ways to Improve Family Relationships!!

It isn't hard to hear about bad news, but in many neighborhoods, there is good news to share! In this podcast episode, MJ presents inspiring everyday wins that uplift our mental wellness and add unexpected but fulfilling fun to life. From a broken window incident that demonstrates amazing problem-solving and accountability, to new parents navigating the anxieties of early parenthood, and handling the emotional first day of daycare—these stories showcase the power of community, patience, and a positive mindset when problems arise. Listen as guests Kathy, a grandmother, and a new parent couple share their heartfelt experiences and insights on parenting wins, emphasizing the importance of being gentle, connecting, and learning from life's challenges.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support.

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About the Host:
MJ Murray Vachon LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with more than 48,000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching her Mental Wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge. Four years ago she overcame her fear of technology to create a podcast that integrated her vast clinical experience and practical wisdom of cultivating mental wellness using the latest information from neuroscience. MJ was Social Worker of the Year in 2011 for Region 2/IN.

About Inner Challenge:
Inner Challenge was created in 1995 as a summer camp for girls, and spent 20 years being tested and "refined" by junior high students who insisted on practical Mental Wellness skills that made them feel better. Inner Challenge has been used in many businesses, and community organizations. In 2017-2018 Inner Challenge was a class for freshman football players at the University of Notre Dame. It was these students who encouraged MJ to face her fear of technology and create a podcast. Inner Challenge will soon be a Master Class available for those who want to stop feeling like crap.

To connect with MJ Murray Vachon LCSW, learn more about the Inner Challenge or inquire about being a guest on the podcast visit mjmurrayvachon.com.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, l...

Transcript

Ep. 65 Mental Wellness Wins!!! 

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: [00:00:00] Welcome to the podcast. I'm always inspired by wins, not just athletic wins, but the everyday wins that we often gloss over. Noticing and letting a win sink in is great for our mental wellness. Today I want to share with you three wins involving a broken window, a sick infant, and the dreaded first day of daycare. Even if you don't have children in your life, you will love hearing how my guests changed their mindset from Oh, no! to Oh Yeah! I hope to do more episodes featuring wins in all areas of life. So, if you have one, feel free to email me at mj@mjmurrayvachon.com. The first person we're going to talk to today is my older sister, Kathy. She was my inspiration for doing an episode on parenting and grandparenting wins. She told me this great story about a situation she had with one of her grandchildren and her two neighbors. Thanks for being on the [00:01:00] podcast today. I'm excited for the listeners to hear what I think is a great grandparenting win. 

Guest: Thank you, MJ. I'm happy to be here, and I really enjoy your podcast, so I feel it's an honor to share something with everyone. 

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: Thank you. It's an ordinary day in the neighborhood. Your grandson is over, and his two schoolmates. 

Guest: It was Wednesday, which is Campbell's night to have dinner with us and Amalie and Dermot, my two neighbors, they're 10 years old, they're twins and they're in Campbell's class. They're over playing with Campbell and they're out in the backyard and I'm cooking dinner. It's very close. I can hear them playing, but I'm not really seeing what they're doing. All of a sudden, I hear this ginormous crash. It was definitely a window had broken. So, I go out on the porch and I look and Amalie and Dermot both have like deer in the headlights. Their eyes are open wide and they're [00:02:00] frozen. My grandson Campbell, his head is hanging down and he's not even looking at me. I said to myself, this is something I've been practicing for over a year. I said, who do I want to be in this situation? This was a two second thought that I brought forth. 

Guest: After saying that, what came out of my mouth was, Guys, nobody's in trouble here. This is a broken window. It can be fixed. Can you tell me what happened? Dermot right away said, I threw a lemon at Campbell and Campbell threw a lemon at me, but I dodged it and it hit the window. He did say that he had hit Campbell with the lemon. Then Amalie said, I actually threw the first lemon. I said, okay, I said what we need to do, first of all, is clean this up and I [00:03:00] sent Amalie and Dermot home to get shoes on. Campbell and I got, a broom and dustpan and some plastic bags to put the glass in. Within two 

minutes, Amalie and Dermot were back with their tennis shoes and their mom was with them, and she looked at the window, and she said, you kids are paying for this. And I was like, great, okay, we're on the same page, but first of all, the first phase, we're just cleaning it up, so she went home, the kids cleaned up all the glass. I was supervising. Then after that, I said come on in, let's just talk about this. I said, I loved how you cleaned this up. I really felt I needed to acknowledge them because nobody complained. Obviously they felt really bad about it. They all said they were sorry sometime during this and they did take responsibility to clean it up. I said, so you've really done the first part of everything, but there's a second phase. And that's going to be you guys need to pay for the [00:04:00] window. I don't know how much it is, but I'm guessing two to three hundred dollars. They said, okay, we can do that and then somebody said, let's do a lemonade stand. They were like, oh yeah, that's what we'll do. So, they had that already in place. I said, let's go over, talk to your parents, let them know what happened. we went over and I went through the same thing with their parents. I just want to say nobody's in trouble. It's a broken window. It can be fixed. I also had said this before, most things in life can be fixed. When something gets broken, you get hurt most things can be fixed. So, let's just keep it in that context. I told the parents they'd already cleaned everything up. But they were going to have to pay for the window, and they came up with the idea of a lemonade stand. Their grandmother was also there, and as I was leaving, she said to me, Kathy, it might be a great idea to have them call for estimates. My mind started thinking, Wow, I love [00:05:00] that, because when these things happen, it's not that it's just the money and the cleanup. It's time consuming. It takes a lot of time to order the window, get the right person to put it in, you might have to wait at home for the window to be delivered, all these things. Oh, and the other thing, then Jack and I, my husband, we went over to my, And we did the same thing we had done at Amalie and Dermot's house. We explained what had happened and, told the parents and they were all very much in support of that they needed to pay for the window. The next morning, I sent a text and I said, if the kids are up they can come over and they can call and get an estimate for the window. They each came over I had written a little script and they called and told what they had done and they needed an estimate for the window. I could tell from the way that the people at the glass companies responded, they were very surprised that these were children calling [00:06:00] and they were very happy to help, and get them an estimate. I picked the company that I wanted to have do the window and when they got home from school, I said it's going to be 175. My husband thinks you should collect 200 just in case there's tax or extra, charges. So , figure out when you want to do your lemonade stand. On Sunday they had a lemonade stand and they were out there for two and a half hours and collected $131. They were telling people that they had broken the window and that they, had to fix their neighbor's window or their grandmother's window. Some people are giving 

them extra money. They had Campbell's brothers out there with signs roping people in, getting them to come to the lemonade stand. They had a great 1st day. The next day they were off school and there's an elementary school right down the street from us. There's lots of traffic around 3 o'clock. So, at 245, they set up another stand and made another $90. They ended up with [00:07:00] $217. The window's been ordered and it hasn't come in yet. So, we're waiting for the window. We have all the money on hold until we find out, it's the estimates of 175, but we'll see what that is. We're going to subtract the sugar from the lemonade. I have a lemon tree so they had to pick the lemons. They really, took responsibility for making the lemonade, which is a little different than a lemonade mix. It's a lot more work when you juice every lemon. They must have juiced, oh gosh, 120 lemons to make that much lemonade. Not to mention picking them off the tree. I wanted to use those lemons up, it's getting towards the end of the season and they were free. That was the other bonus. 

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: There was one other part you told me about when one of the brothers spilled the lemonade. 

Guest: On the second day we'd already made over $200 and a lot of people had just come so we needed some more lemonade. We made some extra [00:08:00] lemonade, Asher was tilting the lemonade container, which was about three gallons, and it's halfway full because the spout had so much sugar around it. It was not coming out easily. He was helping it come out by tilting it, and he tilted it too far, and the whole thing just spilled all over him, all over the driveway, and he was just mortified. Now, he's seven. Dermot was the only ten-year-old there. And Dermot said to him, I don't really care, Asher. We're almost done anyway. Nobody's in trouble. Just clean it up. And so, with that, the three that were left, they all cleaned it up. Asher was just transformed. He was so excited. Okay, I can clean it up and he went and he got the hose and, they hosed everything down. When I told Dermot's mother, she said, Oh [00:09:00] my gosh, I'm so glad to hear that because often he would be one that would yell about something like that happening. I felt like he learned something from going through this whole process. 

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: I just think this is a master story in parenting on three levels, right? Because you were the one that had the initiative and you took a moment at the very beginning to say, how do I want to be in this? We often react and what you did was slow down and you reflected and decided, I want this to be a teachable moment for them. Also, both sets of parents we're willing to let the children be held accountable through the lens of teaching, not through the lens of punishment. So often when we work with children, whether it's in parenting, grandparenting, if we're teaching or coaching, we forget that 

they're children and their [00:10:00] primary path at this point in life is to learn. When we react, we are usually reacting from a spirit you should have known better instead of the spirit that you reacted and that is, Let Me Help You Learn. I just think it's a master class for all the adults involved and that children rise to the level of the adults around them. I'm super glad that you shared this today, because I think it really is inspiring but it's also something all of us can aspire to when we interact with children. 

Guest: Another piece to it is that in my personal development, I see how often I make a mistake. The other day I was taking the kids to school and I rushed into this parking space really quickly and cut off another person. I could have let that person take the parking space and I didn't. Normally I would [00:11:00] justify it in my mind but when I saw that parent, I said, hey, I am so sorry. That was your parking space. I just zipped right in there. I really don't want to be that person in the parking lot, but I was. I am sorry about that. I just see so many times when I do something that's a little inconsiderate that normally I would not take responsibility for. I'm trying to step up and take responsibility in my life. When I look at children, I want to help them just take the responsibility, follow through with the actions, and it's over. That's the other thing, once this window's in, it's, it's over. They've done what they've had to do. They'll, be there when the window comes in. They'll do a few more things, but it's nothing I hold over their head. Stay away from lemons. It's something that they really followed through and did the best they could with the situation that [00:12:00] happened. 

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: I love the spirit of, I go through life making mistakes and I'm trying to hold myself accountable, whether it's a parking place or I've dropped glasses and broken glasses, and that we want that same spirit of helping children learn that exact same skill set. We will make mistakes, there will be accidents. We just own them, do what needs to be done to be held accountable and move on. Thank you for sharing this. When you told it to me the first time, I just thought that is such a great story. My experience with Parents, people working with children, is they often focus on when things have gone wrong, when they haven't been their best parent, or they haven't been their most patient teacher. But I think we learn as much from a story like this that reminds us that even though a broken window is a nuisance, if we look at it through the [00:13:00] lens of teaching, through the lens of cooperation, through the lens of accountability, it was a pretty enjoyable experience for you. 

Guest: I have to say the whole thing was really beautiful and the energy and the lemonade stand and, people coming and hearing them saying, yeah, I broke my grandma's window. We have to pay for it. How much is it? $175, $175. Oh my God. It was fun. 

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: From this accident, came lot of happy moments. Guest: Yeah, for sure. Connection between my neighbors, connection between 

my daughter and her husband. 

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: When we look at accidents as what they are, unintentional acts, and lean into giving people the benefit of the doubt and holding accountable, community develops. It's a connecting experience, but if we start blaming, it's disconnecting. Had your neighbor boy blamed your younger grandson, that would have been disconnecting. But because [00:14:00] he said, it's okay, we can clean it up. They immediately joined forces and we're a team. 

Guest: Yeah. 

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW: My concern is sometimes people think I don't have the time to do this. What would you say to that? 

Guest: The love generated between myself and the three 10-year-olds and then the 10-year-olds and the seven-year-olds and their parents and, one of their grandmother was there. It makes it so worthwhile. We're all on the same team. We're all working together. The love is so much bigger than the time. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Thank you for sharing that story. That was terrific. 

Guest: You're welcome. Thank you. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Gosh, that feels like a hall of fame story to me. Next we're going to move to the other end of the continuum. This is really fun for me because a year ago I had these two guests on prior to them becoming [00:15:00] new parents. I did an episode that has had a lot of listens with this man and his wife, was it a month or so before you became a parent? 

Guest: I think so. Is that right? That feels like forever ago now. M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: I'm yes. Your child is how old? 

Guest: He is almost 14 months. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Which in new parent land feels like you've lived about 15 years. It's approximately 1. 1 year per month, I think is when you're a new parent. I invited you back to share with me a parenting win. Jump in and share with our audience, what's been a parenting win in this first year of being a dad? 

Guest: It's funny to think about it as a parenting win. The more that I thought about this story, In the moment, it didn't really feel like a win at all. It was very stressful and an anxious time, but I think just making it through that on its own was its own win. This was very early after Franklin was born. Maybe two weeks at the most? He started to [00:16:00] lose a little bit of weight after he was born; we were told was very normal. Then he was supposed to start gaining weight again, but he didn't for a while. At first, I don't think it was too stressful or worrisome, but we kept having check ins with our pediatrician and he kept not gaining weight like he was supposed to and losing weight. He had been eating pretty well, we thought, but then when we put him on the scale, it just wasn't the number that we were looking for. You can almost see too, he was starting to look a little bit more thin, not quite gaunt. But you could tell that he was a little bit slimmer, not gaining weight. It started to get stressful because, we were just worried about his health and his growth and everything is so new at that time, was sleep deprived. It was just a challenging time in a lot of ways, which I just throw in that everything wasn't going normally with his health and growth was really stressful. There was one night in particular where he started to throw up more than just spit up, he'd projectile, vomit out the milk that he was getting. We [00:17:00] live very close to my in laws, which is an awesome gift. They're one street over. It's probably a five-minute walk to get there. In the early days, I think this was the only time that we ever actually called them in desperation. Like in the middle of the night, we're like, we don't know what we're doing. Can you come over and help us? And so, they were very nice. They came over at probably 11 o'clock at night. He had just thrown up and we were just so scared and stressed that we didn't know what to do. There was no clear action that we could take of like how to make it better. I think the first thing that really helped there was just getting to talk to other people. I don't think ultimately they told us anything we didn't already know or weren't already trying, but just having their presence there was really comforting because we knew that they had raised three kids of their own successfully into happy, healthy adults. I think like reaching out for help and knowing we needed help was big and we also did that through like lots of phone calls and appointments with our pediatrician just making sure that we were doing things that were by the book and would be helpful from experts’ perspective. 

Guest: Also, we got very action oriented [00:18:00] in a helpful way. We were feeling a lot of stressful feelings, weren't sure what to do but we started with okay what can we do that might help. so, we started to make a really specific feeding log of that night so we could report to the pediatrician what did he eat, when did he hold it down, did he throw up, did he eat twice before he threw up or just once. We had all the information just written down even just the act of writing that all down I think made us feel a little bit more calm, cool, and collected because we're like doing Something that could be helpful. He ended up, being fine. He's now a year and a couple months old and he's doing great. It was definitely a scary time. But I think just knowing that we could get through a time like that and we could both lean on the help of family, the help of the doctor, and also just like our own instincts that we could trust those and take care of our son. It was really cool to just grow from that. Challenges will come, but we can work together and lean on help and get through to the other side. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Wow. I love that story for two reasons. One is we are in a culture that [00:19:00] so idolizes independence. One of the things I see in my clinical practice is when people have a baby, they want to do it all themselves and then they reach a moment where they really do need family or friends support and they have this internal battle of, wait, I'm supposed to be independent and do this by myself. Did you have that battle? Or were you we definitely need help from some of the elders here. 

Guest: I think we totally had that. We probably could have called them sooner than we did. They probably would have appreciated it too, but it wasn't so late. But we were in a moment of desperation and that's what made us reach out as almost, a last resort. So, I would say that We probably could have been more, humble or open to that kind of help at first. I don't know why it is, but there is this feeling you get that's oh, this is my baby we brought him into the world, we should be able to take care of him. And if you have help with family or friends, that's always appreciated, but you don't ever want to feel like it's needed. Because I think like that makes you as a parent feel like, oh what am I doing [00:20:00] wrong that I can't take care of my kid on my own. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: When you think of it through that lens should we expect anyone to be taking care of their child on their own? 

Guest: I've always thought that it's amazing that there's only two parents. There should be like three or four people to be parents of every kid., it's a lot of work and many hands make light work. I think having family, friends, whoever it is to lean on who has been through it before is totally invaluable. If we didn't have that, what we would have done. That was a huge help for us. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: That's really interesting. This is our culture's way of parenting. There's other cultures that it's very much a communal parenting experience. 

Guest: I think that makes a lot of sense. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: The other thing is a lot of times people turn to Google. Instead of relatives or physicians. Yeah. It's impressive to me that maybe you were Googling many hours. 

Guest: Yeah, it was a little bit of everything. I think part of what helped us is that we had the resources that we had so close by. Just the fact that, we're in walking distance [00:21:00] to our in laws and that they could come over really quickly and that our pediatrician is nice and knowledgeable and responsive. The fact that we have those was a huge help to the app. If we didn't have those, we'd probably just be desperately Googling. Seeing what we got back, which is maybe not the best way to do it. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: I think one thing parenting does for all of us is it's very humbling in a healthy way. If we can lean into what I call intellectual humility, we can't possibly know everything there is about the health of a child. And that's really scary. Two weeks, weight, all of that. You really integrated what We love in 2024 relationship and data, right? we'll reach out to our relationships, but we're going to start logging the data of when is the baby eating. I was at your baby's first birthday party and I can attest he is absolutely one of the most adorable human beings I've ever seen. Thank you. That's a great story. Okay. So next we're going to hear from your wife, her parenting win. 

Guest: Hello. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: It's so [00:22:00] fun to have you back and it was really one of the highlights of my spring to come to your son's birthday party. 

Guest: It's great to be back.
M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: So, what's your parenting win? 

Guest: I was thinking about the first day of our son's daycare and how Many emotions and feelings I had that day, and even leading up to that day, I was so 

anxious about it. At the same time that I felt so grateful to have a good, safe daycare that I was excited for him to go to, it brought up so many complicated feelings for me as a first-time mom. I was thinking about transitioning from being with him all day, every day, and having a really clear sense of identity as a mom in that space. Part of it, too, is the change in the sense of control of I am the one home with him all day and I can see his reactions to everything and see how [00:23:00] he's growing and that kind of care is also sometimes hard and boring and feels tiring but it was The rhythm that I had gotten used to with him. I felt so anxious about not only how he would feel at daycare, but how I would feel at work that whole day. Because also a lot of my experience of parenting him at that age so far had been alongside my husband or he was with my mom sometimes. It was still a family affair in terms of his care. 

Guest: I was really nervous just about how would I do a full day of work just sitting at my desk at my computer, knowing that he was away. And that I wouldn't even be able to talk to him about what was it like for you? How did you feel? All of the things that I would normally do, with someone, if I wanted to patch back up the closeness at the end of the day, I didn't know how to do that with him. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: So [00:24:00] how did you move through that yourself? How did you manage your own anxiety? Cause that can become contagious for him. Cause it's all new for him too. 

Guest: Yeah. I really wanted to be as calm as possible taking him so if there were any emotions he could pick up from me, that it would be safe and positive ones. I think a lot of it was just talking about how I was feeling a ton both with my husband and a lot with my mom as well If I had mom friends that I could talk to about it. I think that would have been a really great thing, but where we're at in our life is we're the first to have kids in our friend group. I didn't really have that one as a resource, but that would have been great too. One of my friends who is a stay-at-home mom had given me this book of motherhood mantras and I felt really seen by that because even though she hasn't had this experience, she still was a person I'd gone to it for and I saw a lot of mom things. In that book, there was a page that said [00:25:00] you can be a working mom and a good mom at the same time. So, I actually brought that book to my office. I still have it here on my bookshelf in my office and I Put that right by my laptop and I also printed out a picture of my son and I, and put that by it too. 

Guest: Oh, nice. I think it is that feeling like you've prepared yourself, I packed his daycare bag and then I put that book in my work bag, and I put that picture 

in my work bag, too. So, it helps me feel like I had a sense of preparing. Yes. Even though there's a lot that you can't prepare for about that. 

Guest: Another interesting wrinkle is that first day of his daycare was actually my husband's 30th birthday. That was a part of the conversation too I really wanted to be able to wake up on that day and make it a good birthday and not have it be like, oh, we're crying the whole day because it's a really sad day for us. We had always wanted to have a big backyard party for his birthday. At first you were like maybe we should do it on the weekend. Cause we're going to be too sad or we don't know what our emotions [00:26:00] will be that day. So maybe we shouldn't plan anything. 

Guest: But then we actually decided just to lean into it and say Hey, let's celebrate this on this day. That ended up being so great because in the evening we had A house full of family and friends. I had thought originally that I would want to be okay, Franklin was at daycare all day now I just want to be only with us and just soak each other up. But actually, in a surprising way, it was really freeing to have a house full of family and friends and to see that the rhythm and the love that we have as a family unit doesn't change when you like open it up. We found that to be true with daycare, I wouldn't have known it that day, but now we think of everyone who works at his daycare as additional people that we're so lucky to have in our son's life. So, I think starting out that day, surprisingly, with kind of an expansive [00:27:00] we have lots of people that love us. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Yes.
Guest: Was actually helping teach us something about what a good daycare can 

be. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Wow. That is such a beautiful story because part of the early parts of parenting is cocooning. You're at home. Maybe your parents come, but you're not out with a two-week-old or hopefully, out and about too much. By this time, he's five, six months old. And then you realize, Oh, we go from cocooning to community and that isn't only good for our spirits, it's good for his spirits. So, you didn't have a friend who on that day had the experience. You were breaking the path for you and your friends. What would you tell a new mom about that day, which is a milestone moments. 

Guest: That's a great question because I've thought about that actually. First I would probably tell any mom on that day to be pretty gentle with themselves. I wasn't planning to tackle any really [00:28:00] complex work projects that day. 

I was just trying to do my job well, but have some mental space to myself to process things. It helped me to have something to look forward to at the end of the day. In this case, it was my husband's birthday party, but I think that could have been anything. a fun family dinner, or maybe planning to go do something fun together just to look forward to. I think that, mantra for me of you can be a working mom and a good mom at the same time gave me a lot of peace because even though my location had changed, It was nice to be reminded that nothing about who I am as a mom at my core had changed. Everything was still the same about me how my son feels about me. You maybe don't realize that when everything feels like it's changed in your world. I had to bring my nursing pump to work and I had to put on work clothes for the first time. I felt totally different, [00:29:00] but the way that my son saw me was totally the same. 

Guest: I think remembering that constant was really helpful for me. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: I love that be gentle but also to celebrate that we can spend a lot of time mourning that this period is over and not really marking it and trying to celebrate it at the same time. That's a wise outlook. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: It's a mindset, actually. It's a mindset of let's lean into what is instead of lean into what isn't. Yeah, it is what it is. It really is what mindset do you take in to it that creates an environment that's healthier for everybody. That's what I'm trying to do on this podcast is really help people realize, Oh, Mental Wellness a lot of times is what mindset do we create often in situations that might not be our first choice? 

Guest: Yeah. It was funny because essentially my husband's birthday party also turned into a you made it through the first day of daycare party because all our friends there were how was [00:30:00] it? You made it through. Oh, Franklin looks great. He's growing so well. Maybe it's not a bad idea to throw a day one of daycare party. It, we didn't know how much we would benefit from that congratulations. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: That's great. Great parenting win. Thank you. I know you both are so busy with work and your son; I appreciate you taking the time on your lunch hour to do this. 

Guest: Thank you.
M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: And here are my Inner Challenge Insights. M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Insight number one. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Look for your wins. Especially when it comes to how we interact with children. Just noticing them helps us to create more of them. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Insight number two. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: We're wired to react. We're wired to connect. Often our initial reactions are not very connecting. I love how our guests said., I've been practicing, being connecting for over a year. Just like any other skill, we need to have the intention to improve. And then we just need to practice. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Insight number three. [00:31:00] 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: When no one is in trouble, kids tell the truth. 21 years in a junior high taught me this. My million-dollar line to junior high students was this: can you help me understand? Curiosity instead of judgment. Being held accountable is very, very different being in trouble. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Insight number three. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: If we are honest, childhood is one never ending classroom. Whether we realize it or not all of us are teachers. Kids will mess up and they need us to help them learn how to make things right. I loved how all the parents and grandparents were on the side of helping the kids right their wrongs. Think of the can-do attitude, these kids learned not to mention the experience of being honest. This is how we help kids develop initiative and bravery. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Insight number four. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: I too remember feeling like this Dad, reluctant at first to [00:32:00] reach out for help. When we say this out loud, I think we all know the truth: it takes a village. We are one of the few cultures in the world that thinks parenting is a go it alone job. Nothing could be farther from the truth. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Insight number five. It wasn't until I heard all three of these stories that it dawned on me that the 10-year-old were learning similar lessons as the new parents. It's okay to not know. There is a village to help you. When we lean into the village, it feels more like a party than a prison sentence. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Insight number six. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: I love this mom's term, patch back up the closeness at the end of the day. How do you patch back up the closeness at the end of the day with your family and even your pets? 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: Insight number seven. 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: The rhythm and the love we have as a family unit doesn't change when we open it up. Let me say this again. The rhythm and the love we have as a family unit. Doesn't [00:33:00] change when we 

M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW: open it up. 

Thanks for listening. Do you have a mental wellness win? Send me an email at mj@mjmurrayvachon.com